November 9th, Twenty-Sixteen
Words crawl across my TV screen:
GOP WINS THE WHITE HOUSE BACK
My chest felt like a heart attack
I called my friends so we could grieve
Some were packing, ready to leave
Others asked me, “How could we lose?”
Still others drowned their tears in booze
The only hope we could embrace
Lay with the House and Senate race
But red states were on a roll
Republicans took full control
The first sign things weren’t like before
My doc moved to a Walmart store
ObamaCare – too socialized
So now all healthcare’s privatized
Keystone pipeline that wasn’t built
Assured us that no oil was spilt
Now crude is pumped in each time zone
With fracking sites in Yellowstone
Small business climbed out of its rut
Now that minimum wage got cut
The Equal Pay for Women Act?
Big biz made sure it wasn’t backed
Immigration is finally fixed
Thanks to a border wall of bricks
Built by any Mexican who
Gets an ID number tattoo
Guns and books are now the rule
Arming teachers in every school
Bus drivers too, and postal clerks
Ready for whatever danger lurks
America gets even worse
Lucky for you I’m out of verse
Suffice to say if this comes true
The April Fools are me and you
“I like most of what goes on here already,” the tea party conservative said. “The tax cuts, the abortion restrictions, the way gun laws don’t go anywhere — so you’ll hardly notice the difference. I just thought it would be good to put a woman in charge.”
“Of course I’m grateful to the members of the House,” she began, “but I’m especially grateful to Nicky Mattiello, who helped me understand how to do it.”
“It really wasn’t that hard at all. I just said I had enough votes to be Speaker, and that seemed to do the trick. After that, a favor her, another there, you let them know I’ll be in charge and take care of them, and they fall right in line. I owe it all to Nicky.”
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